The Reverend Irene Elizabeth Stroud is appealing the decision in which the United Methodist Church defrocked her for having violated its law against "self-avowed practicing homosexuals" in the clergy. First off, The Bosh wants to know how long a homosexual must practice before he or she becomes an actual, rather than a practicing homosexual. Secondly, we want to know names and addresses of these hypocritical bigots who, at the same time as they criticize lesbians for getting undressed, defrock them. (BY SCOTT ROSE)

Star reports that on December 15, Brad Pitt and Matt Damon went to Claridge's hotel in London for a promotional event. A fire swept through a kitchen, stranding them on the sidewalk along with guests Mick Jagger and Jim Carrey. Amid all the rumors that Brad and Jen are having marital problems, nobody is claiming a coincidence in the name of Jennifer's latest film project "Derailed," the less so that the pair spent a night together in the $3,300 a night Harlequin Suite in The Dorchester hotel, fanning the flames in the blissful absence of a fire. (BY SCOTT ROSE)

Sarah Jessica Parker, whose 'Sex in the City' character would not have been the wildly popular and upscale creature she was had she used Gap accessories, is getting paid a bundle to promote them, now that the Gap has opened a store called "Love" on Fifth Avenue devoted to its bags, belts, pins and gloves. The Bosh wonders if Sarah Jessica's contract with the Gap, which would ease her buying Dior and Chanel, forbids her to wear them. (BY SCOTT ROSE)

The Bosh is offering Oprah Winfrey free grammar lessons after Star quoted her as saying "The expectation of my life was that I might be able to work for some good white folks. Now I got some good white folks working for me." We may not got Oprah's riches, but we got our advanced degrees working for us. (BY SCOTT ROSE)

Jake Gyllenhall and Kirsten Dunst, who broke up last summer saying they were too young to be in a serious relationship, are now together and talking about marrying. A fly buzzes in this ointment; Jake's mother, screenwriter Naomi Foner is not convinced this is the best thing for her wittle boy. For insight into what is transpiring here, The Bosh recommends seeing Woody Allen's film "Oedipus Wrecks," in which a mother unhappy with his son's fiancee appears as a giant in the sky above Manhattan and so embarrasses and harrasses her son and his betrothed that they are driven apart. (BY SCOTT ROSE)