Well, if there is one thing I don't tolerate, it's no bacon on the meat tray. But if I could think of another, I would say it's when people who I think are beneath me (like anyone in public service, food service or shoe shining service) try and talk to me. You know, bring me down to their level and all. Dang that really chaps my goat. And it seems that finally I have found an ally in the New York Time's own Bob Morris.

Ugh. Okay, so Britney Spears is news. And in Friday's Enquirer, we're all going to learn that she has- according to a source "who passed a polygraph test" and everything, so for real, this is news- smoked marijuana. Holy Shit! And, as if there could even be more to this shocking story, Spears allegedly gets "out of control" when stoned. More on this breaking story as it develops.

Heather Locklear, always known for her smarts and nothing else, did the awesomest thing ever on a recent episode of "Live with Regis and Kelly", reports the National Enquirer. It seems she was recounting a lovely tale of how her daughter, Ava, age seven, likes to lay on her bed, gaze up at the mirrors above, and cry. Heh. Kids. So sweet. Especially with the constant crying and all.

US Weekly is reporting that the sections of Robert Redford's movie "An Unfinished Life" containing footage with J.Lo are headed for the cutting-room floor. Her co-actor Josh Lucas says that in his scenes with her, J.Lo was "damn good." So we're left wondering why the Puertorican belle is getting left out of the paella like a rancid chorizo. If the reason is an artistic one, then it's an aesthetic that calls for the elimination of as much beauty as possible, and we must pray to all the corn ever popped in movie houses that it is reversed.

If you enjoy the sweet, sweet serenades of the likes of Frank Stallone, Bruce Willis, or even Keanu Reeves, then boy have I got some good news for you in November (but I'm gonna go ahead and tell you now). This Thanksgiving time be ready to sit back, relax, and listen to the post-turkial musical stylings of a Mr. Robert Downey Jr. Talk about music to my ears, this smells like it's going to be better than pie. The album will consist of eight songs written by Downey [to which I say: awesome], and two covers ('Smile', the Charlie Chaplin tune, and 'Your Move', the Yes diddy). Can't wait. Nature. Goulet!