 | | Butt-Ugly Trump Claims To Be Authority On Beauty |
How is it that a man with a face like impacted bowels can hold forth about beauty? That fiendish creature he's married to also seems to think she's beautiful but she could peel the paint off a wall with that scowl. Just because you own it doesn't mean you get it.
Donald Trump has decided to lecture the masses on what beauty is. Donald's concept of beauty comes from the glossy brochure of his favorite plastic surgeon. All of his wives have been beautiful in that Stepford kind of way, as is his daughter, Ivanka. But they're about as sexy and exciting as slow-cooked oatmeal.
The Donald made his bi-weekly soundbite this week by trashing Angelina Jolie, saying that while she's attractive, she's not beautiful. Uh, OK. That's like calling a Ferrari a two-seater. Furthering the car analogy, while Angelina has like 500 horsepower idling under the hood, just rarin' to rip, his wife, Melania, is a 240-hp sedan and Ivanka would be in the moped range.
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December 12, 2005
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Donald is pleased with pregnant Melania's figure |
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Donald Trump has it all: fame, fortune and a hot wife, model Melania Knauss. And as if that wasn’t enough, Melania has gotten even hotter by Donald’s (and most other men’s) standards. What accounts for Melania’s new transformation? The couple is expecting their first child together in the spring and Mrs. Trump’s assets have been swelling in anticipation of the event. In an interview with Howard Stern last week, the Donald discussed his wife’s new figure. "You know, they just blow up, right? Like a blimp - in the right places. In her case, the right places. I mean she really has become a monster - in all the right places." When Stern and his colleagues asked Trump what he meant by the term “monster,� he said, "I mean monster in the most positive way. She has gotten very, very large - in all the right places."
Though Donald made it clear that he was more than happy with Melania’s transformation into a “monster,� he may need to be careful what he says around his hormonal wife. Knauss has already confessed that Trump has made his major contribution to the pregnancy and his participation can end there. When asked if her husband would be in the delivery room, Melania said, “I don't think a man should be there anyway. I just think it's a woman thing.�
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