Wow, folks, HUGE announcement: I never fail—EVER! If my last term didn’t go perfectly, it’s 100% because ALL those interfering losers ruined my genius plans. Everyone knows my policies are flawless, but those meddlers just can’t handle my greatness. This time around, NOTHING will stand in my way! My hands are massive and so are my plans! #NeverWrong #BigPlansBiggerHands

Billions and billions of our hard-earned taxpayer dollars went right down the drain, all because the previous administration cared more about hugging trees than protecting our borders. But guess what? Now that I'm on my second term, get ready for a whole lot LESS green around here—you're welcome! ♻️❌ Why waste time saving this sad planet when we can hop on some giant rockets and settle on other lovely planets? I know a top-notch rocket guy—he’s a friend, loves me, wants to help us blast off! All it takes is a few trillion in his back pocket (peanuts, folks!) and a we’ll leave behind this polluted rock full of complaining folks who just don’t get it! Who needs clean air or water when you can have dusty craters and no oxygen? We’re done humoring Earth’s whiners. Time to colonize outer space, folks! Trust me, you’ll LOVE it there—no trees to worry about, no pesky environmental laws, no problem! #SpaceIsGreat #NoTreesNoProblems #MarsOrBust #SecondTermVictory #RonaldDumpIsBack

Hello from the one and only RONALD DUMP—the greatest, most unbelievably fantastic president in the history of this entire universe! All those other presidents? Total losers, folks. They had no idea what they were doing—absolutely clueless! But me? I’m unstoppable, unbeatable, and undeniably the best there ever was! You’re welcome, America. You’re very, very welcome! Remember, nobody else could do this job the way I do—everyone else was downright boring and incompetent! #DumpDidItBetter #GreatestEver 🇺🇸 #TheBestPresident

USA! USA! USA! Folks, nobody loves this country more than me—believe me! We’re the biggest, the bravest, the boldest, and, quite frankly, the only country that really matters. A real island of greatness (just ignore those other annoying countries up north and down south—total disasters, okay?). Why bother with the rest of the world? They’re just a bunch of ungrateful nobodies who refuse to recognize how spectacular our burgers, our flags, and especially ME are! America first, second, third, and last—it’s all about the USA, people! We’re number one, and that’s how it’s gonna stay. Why share the spotlight with anyone else? America first means every American comes first…except all the losers who disagree with me (they’re probably not even real Americans). Let’s keep all the greatness right here where it belongs. The rest of the world can figure itself out—if it can! USA! USA! USA! (And if you disagree…well, too bad! Ask everyone—nobody likes a complainer!) #AmericaFirst #USABest #SorryNotSorry #TremendousLeadership #HugeSuccess #MakingAmericaStayOnTop 🦅🇺🇸🦅🇺🇸🦅🇺🇸

Folks, I’m declaring it right now: WE NEED TO TAKE OVER CANADA ASAP! Don’t worry, I know exactly how to do it—nobody knows Canada like I do, believe me. It’s time to make Canada great again by making it AMERICA again. They’ve got maple syrup and moose, we’ve got greatness. Combine the two, we get the biggest, most tremendous synergy the world has ever seen! #MakeCanadaAmericaAgain #HugeTakeover #WinningSoMuch 🇺🇸🦅

Folks, let me just say — the White House? Way too pale! We need to paint it ORANGE immediately, bigly orange, so bright they can see it from space! Believe me, nobody does color better than me. My orange palace will be the greatest sight in history. People from everywhere will say, ‘Wow, that’s a really tremendous glow!’ And I’m the only one to make that happen. We’ll pass a fantastic policy — The Orange House Act — no one’s ever heard of a policy like this, but it’ll be HUGE, believe me! Let’s make every wall GLOW, every column SPARKLE. I promise, once we go orange, everything will be absolutely perfect — the best in the world. Major critics are already jealous! #WhiteHouse #SoBright #FromSpace #WinningBigTime 🏆✌️

Folks, believe me, nobody loves giving more free cash to our fabulous friends in Silicone Valley than me—no one! I already pledged hundreds of billions of taxpayer dollars to those totally struggling, super-poor billionaires. But it’s STILL not enough! We’ve gotta slash that lousy government health care for those 9-to-5 people who think they deserve healthcare or something. Give me a break! We need that money for the brilliant billionaires building who-knows-what AI gizmos. They’re struggling, folks! How else will their big businesses keep going if we don’t prop them up? These guys are the nicest, they give me all sorts of free stuff! Remember—there’s no problem tax payer money can’t fix if you just give it all to the top 1%! Tremendous plan, everyone agrees! #NoHealthcareNeeded #CashForTheRich #BillionairesFirst #GiveMeFreeStuff #GreatestPresidentEver 🤩💸🙌

Folks, 700 BILLION for the military is peanuts. TOTAL JOKE! We need a BIG, BEAUTIFUL upgrade—add another zero, make it SEVEN TRILLION! Trust me, we’re gonna have the best bombs, the greatest planes, everything GOLD-PLATED. And who’s gonna pay for it all? The people we bomb, obviously! (They’ll thank us later, believe me!) #SevenTrillionOrBust #BombsPayTheBills #WinningSoMuch 🤑💣

Winning bigly here, folks. As the brand-new President of the Entire World (yes, THE WHOLE WORLD—no, the UNIVERSE!), I’m making everything totally tremendous—believe me. First order of business: Mandatory 25-hour workdays for everyone, because I said so. Next, we’ll build a 100ft border wall in everyones backyard—why? To keep those damn gnome people out with all their drugs and crime—amazing, right? Trust me, it’s gonna be HUGE, you losers. If you don’t like it, well, tough luck—I’ve got the biggest hands in the WORLD and I’m not afraid to use them! Now bow down to your glorious leader... or else!