May 22, 2018 at 1:31 pm #3003
I have got badly into debt. My parents pay money into my account periodically that I transfer into my savings account. The trouble is I used some of it when it was meant to be left.
It has caused me a lot of stress, they said I needed to pay for a new boiler with that money but I don’t have enough money. I told my mother earlier today.
I was 8 days alcohol free but I went out last night, I think in part due to the stress of this new boiler and having spent the money.
May 22, 2018 at 1:32 pm #3004
Not wishing to sound unsympathetic but it’s not clear what you’re seeking here or how severe each of your problems are individually or as a whole.
Can you get the boiler fixed rather than replaced with what you have left or live with it while you save? Have you got the support you want/need to change the drinking? Is your debt now under control or growing? If it’s still growing do you know why and what your options are?
May 22, 2018 at 1:32 pm #3005
Too many unknowns here to offer help.
Do you live independently of your parents?
Are you unemployed?
Seeing as you are “jamesg85” that, by my reckoning, makes your 33yrs old, why are your parents still subbing you?
Do you have a disability?
Are you seeking professional help for your drinking?
May 22, 2018 at 1:33 pm #3006
Apparently it’s money from a trust. Then it’s meant to be used for things like maintenance to my flat etc. I don’t have a disability. I work as a freelance translator. I’m not currently seeking professional help.
May 22, 2018 at 1:33 pm #3007
I’ve got an awful hangover after 8 days alcohol free. I went out last night at least partly due to the stress of not having enough money for the new boiler. I wish I hadn’t have gone out last night.
May 22, 2018 at 1:35 pm #3009
I went out last night at least partly due to the stress of not having enough money for the new boiler.
No. I don’t think that’s right. You went out last night because you wanted do, and you’re using the stress thing as an excuse.
Sorry to sound harsh, but if you want to break an addiction you have to be really honest with yourself. There will always be something you can use to con yourself into thinking it’s not your fault. See it for what it is.
May 22, 2018 at 1:36 pm #3012
That’s spot on, I’m addicted to alcohol. My brain can think up lots of excuses to have a drink. I need to break the addiction.
May 22, 2018 at 1:33 pm #3008
If your debts are causing you serious concerns, or if they are getting out of control, you should get in touch with one of the debt charities. I don’t have first hand information of any, but maybe Money Advice Service or Step Change. They can help you better understand your income and outgoings, and if you’re struggling, you may be able to manage your repayments.
May 22, 2018 at 1:35 pm #3010
I am totally unqualified to offer this opinion. However, to me it seems like 8 days alcohol free is not a remarkable amount of time. It sounds like the boiler is an excuse to mask a feeling of needing to drink. It sounds like rather than a broken boiler the problem is that after a week of not drinking, you’re scrabbling for an excuse to legitimise a bender.
But there’s no judgement in that. Alcohol is the hardest drug to detox from. I would encourage you to actively seek support. I think youve identified something needs to change. And thats great
May 22, 2018 at 1:36 pm #3011
Your post is really weird.
You don’t actually ask anything. You write staccato sentences (as are your replies,) and don’t really engage with the thread that you have started.
What do you want?
May 22, 2018 at 1:37 pm #3013
Fair enough, I don’t know, I probably need to get out more, maybe get into running and sports…. I guess I was just looking for sympathy, and sometimes you can get some life changing advice from forums and on facebook.
Sorry, I work as a freelance translator so my writing style should probably be better, I have noticed myself that my sentences are rather staccato in style.
May 22, 2018 at 1:38 pm #3014
Best advice I can give is talk with your mates. If your going to stop drinking and it sounds like you need to their support will be critical. I stopped 29 years ago and couldn’t have done it without my mates not pressuring me in to having a drink. A pal of mine who is a very high functioning alcoholic just hit 2 years sober, again he approached his friend’s and we all stood by him and helped him through it. Another thing that helped me was working out how much cash I spent on drink and looking at what I could do with it instead. I took up paintball and when that grew boring I swapped to mountain bike racing then kayaking, then archery then built a 4×4 then climbing. I’m currently building a forge in my garage to have a go at blacksmithing. The world is your oyster if you stop pissing it up against the wall.
It won’t be easy but with family and friends helping you will get there. The hardest step is admitting you have a problem and you have done that so the journey has started.
May 22, 2018 at 1:39 pm #3015
Take control of your life.
Very sound comments on here re taking control and alcohol.
You also need to take control of your finances. Have a spreadsheet – money in, money out. Have columns for food, bills, transport, activities, etc. Don’t have one for alcohol.
If you don’t have a natural aptitude for managing your money, and you don’t keep books, life gets very stressful at unpredictable moments. You probably need to eliminate as much stress as possible as part of breaking the alcohol dependably. So do your books.
You appear to be in a very fortunate position having some form of reliable income without work. Time to grow up, recognise that as the lucky break it is – not a burden as you painted it – and tackle your problems one by one.
Don’t ask your parents questions about money. Ask them to help you budget and plan around money.
May 22, 2018 at 1:40 pm #3016
I’ve been lucky in having a certain amount of family help financially, and have found that it ‘can’ be a double edged sword, in that one needs to find another driver (to the usual one of needing to survive), so that one still has the spark which keeps one moving forwards.
For me it seems to be about looking back on my life when I’m much older and knowing that I did the most I could to fulfil my potential. It’s something I remind myself of.
I don’t know if there’s a ‘right order’ to do things in, it might be that when you’re not drinking you can follow the advice above about starting to get on top of life again, while along side that looking into how to tackle the way alcohol is getting it’s claws into you, too.
May 22, 2018 at 1:41 pm #3017
Been reading this thread… Speaking from personal experience so can only say what helped me.
You need to replace the alcohol with something, something to take its place, you need a motivation to not do it. As you have said running can help. That’s what i did, started running and eventually found out i actually liked it. It could be something else in your case, think about all the things you have wanted to do in your life and set the goal to achieve one or two of them. Could be a financial cost to the goal too (appreciate it may be an issue atm for you) but set aside some cash each time you fancy a drink but don’t have one, use this cash to fund your goal.
Long process but its well worth it and don’t feel guilty if you occasionally drop the ball. Just refocus and go again.
May 22, 2018 at 1:41 pm #3018
oh, and money.
Work out your budget, ideally weekly, monthly maximum time. Aside from fixed costs (rent, direct debits) use cash only. So take out £200 (example) for the week, and that’s it. Much easier to budget that way.
May 22, 2018 at 1:42 pm #3019
Far from expert advice here, and probably going to sound extremely unsympathetic….but.
You don’t really sound like you have an alcohol or money problem.
Maybe you will end up with both, but I don’t see that here.
For some perspective:
I have no income, ten grand of loan debt, two of overdraft, plus another 1.5 from various friends who I need to re-pay asap. I’ve been on the job hunt for 4 months, with lots of interviews and no success and not confident that is going to change soon. I don’t know how I am going to meet repayments on my loan next week, am skipping meals to stretch my JSA (80% of which is sunk in loan repayments), and actually slept in a park a few nights back as the sofa I am using for accommodation wasn’t available. To be concerned about a boiler in the middle of summer and money which parents gift me is a fantasy I can only dream of having. It strikes me you are actually reasonably stable – you even have a job!
As for alcohol, the people I knew who had real alcohol problems would struggle to go a day without it. If you stopped drinking for 8 days then that basically means you can function for a work week sober. Others might feel different, and you may well have an addictive trait towards the turps, but it strikes me you are very much in control of that issue as well.
I’d look at your present predicament as an acute, short-term issue, that you are both in a position to resolve and, by the sounds of it, have almost actually resolved.
Question is, do you want it to get worse or better, and are you in a position to prevent the former?
May 22, 2018 at 1:43 pm #3020
I’m sorry to hear about your situation, I hope it improves. I’m definitely in a position to prevent my situation getting worse. I need to stop drinking and then my problems with alcohol and money will be sorted. I need to go to AA or do a programme. I should pursue a more active recovery, rather than relying partly on willpower.
I did buy a time lockable container that only opens after a set time. The problem was a day after it opened and I took out my debit card I was in the pub. I should have just set it again after withdrawing a set amount.
May 22, 2018 at 1:49 pm #3024
It sounds like you have found practical alternatives to resolve the potential alcohol issue. I would suggest trying to substitute alcohol – think of something you like, that you know is very good for you, and you enjoy drinking. Then every time you crave alcohol instead insert this substitute. No idea what that would be for you, but perhaps a smoothie, coconut water, a coffee, maybe even low alcohol beer. You might be finding the ritual of drinking itself is as much what you are craving as the alcohol itself.
I’m not looking for sympathy in my story – only posted it to show that there is always further down you can slide in finance issues. Sometimes by your own doing, sometimes by unfortunate chance. The key is to take hold of it now and it sounds like you have the tools to do so.
Perhaps, a salient example here might be an example of an old school friend of mine. His sister in law used to love her campaign. Had two daughters. Both her and her husband were successful IT workers. For whatever reason the alcohol got on top of her. She started losing friends due to erratic behaviour, crashed her car, started behaving obnoxiously to her young children, and in one chaotic outburst called the police on her husband before passing out on the floor. They tried all kinds of things – even being admitted to detox and having her cash and cards confiscated. Still got alcohol. About a year ago she was admitted to hospital with, I think, pneumonia and they discovered her liver and I think a few other internals were beyond repair. She was delivered a terminal prognosis that same day and told she had hours to live. In her early 40s, she died in enforced sobriety, within a few days of that, no doubt painfuly aware that she had literally pissed her life away and wouldn’t see her children again.
Clearly, unlikely most humans, either due to deep-seated internal turmoil or physical hard-wiring, she was unable to stay away from alcohol and it killed her. I’ve worked with and known others who have come very close to this. Stopping is one thing. Stopping before you do irreversible damage is another, and equally important.
You are in a good position, far from rock bottom. You seem to have identified an incipient issue. Resolve it now – don’t put it off.
May 22, 2018 at 1:43 pm #3021
Refer yourself to someone like the above, see if there is a centre nearby, get assessed and get help.
I’ve done it after getting into a binge drinking habit last year that was going nowhere pleasant.
I had sessions (once every 2 weeks) last year and am now T total and loving my life again. It will be unpleasant at first but it gets better.
Use the energy to do something far more productive .
May 22, 2018 at 1:47 pm #3022
Don’t worry about the boiler. you have until winter to sort it out before it becomes a massive issue. work out a plan to replace the money over the next few months. I’m sure your parents would forgive you if you told them you have a drinking issue. they may even help.
You need to find something to obsess about which isn’t destructive in order to replace the drinking.My advice would be to do a lot of something that you are good at – not drinking! Take up running or open water swimming or buy yourself a road bike and start setting goals. enter races etc. Failing that is there anything you are talented at an enjoy? Playing a musical instrument for example?
May 22, 2018 at 1:48 pm #3023
I’ve been reading this thread with mixed thoughts and feelings about how to respond.
You say that your parents give you money to save but you spend some of it and this has caused guilt. You now have a boiler problem and told your mother that you can’t pay to fix/repair it. It sounds like you are trying to have your metaphorical cake and eat/drink it.
Further up the discussion, on contrubutor has been exceptionally frank about real problems of debt and sleeping rough. Maybe you should reflect on your position rather than tug on heartstrings on a forum as diverse as this site.
As for alcohol addiction, I have met many, who if they miss a few hours of alcohol have fits/seasures which can, and do, cause serious physical harm. These people genuinely get my help and empathy because they have hit rock bottom and slipped through society’s net. One poor sod resorted to stealing alcohol hand rub from a local hospital and was drinking that mixed with fizzy pop.
Alcohol addiction is serious and real. You have two paths to follow. Choose wisely.
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