March 18, 2018 at 11:41 am #2518
I’m trying to tackle my drinking, as I am drinking too much on nights out and often don’t remember how I got home. I really want to quit.
Is there any way of stopping yourself from withdrawing so much money? Is there a bank that allows you to set a daily small withdrawal limit. That would be so helpful.
March 18, 2018 at 11:42 am #2519
Takes guts to recognise your problem, good effort.
Suggestions would be speak to all, or at least some, of the following:
AA or other support group
Your family and or friends
Collectively, they may help you get this under control.
Wishing you all the very best.
March 18, 2018 at 11:43 am #2520
I’ll play devils advocate here. You’re only feeling bad cuz you went out last night, had too many and spent more than you would like.
You enjoyed your booze up but now you are getting the piss taken on shot book.
A good piss up once in a while doesn’t hurt at your age.
Take 40 quid out and leave any other methods of withdrawing cash at home. When you’ve had enough, slope off home without telling your mates. Text them when you’re home?
March 18, 2018 at 11:44 am #2521
March 18, 2018 at 11:45 am #2522
Could you leave you cash card at home and only go out with a certain amount of money? That would be something I would try I think.
March 18, 2018 at 11:46 am #2523
March 18, 2018 at 11:47 am #2524
Are you a one night binger or lots every day? If I can ask?
March 18, 2018 at 11:48 am #2525
@dantheman I get really drunk once a week, but it’s to the point of blacking out.
I suffer from chronic headaches, and being teetotal really helps to make them better. Also, I spent £230 last night, so you can see it’s a bit stupid. Once I have one drink I end up drinking until the early hours.
March 18, 2018 at 11:49 am #2526
Hi, You haven’t said whether you have problems not drinking completely.
That would be my strong suggestion of action from what you have said. I’ve known a lot of people like you, including one of my best friends, who simply can’t stop drinking once they started. Nothing helped this, nothing. Mainly because the feedback mechanism of drinking alcohol is to reduced inhibitions and control, so the more you drink the less control you have.
Most of them could ‘not drink’ though (as long as no one was trying to twist their arm.)
If you are desperate for a drink though, whilst sober, that is considerably more serious and you need proper help. (I’m not qualified to comment on the best help, sorry.)
March 18, 2018 at 11:56 am #2527
Have you any possibility of changing your environment for a couple of weeks, to see if the change of environment changes the cycle you’re in re getting drunk to any degree?
After I quit smoking while on a family holiday I can remember struggling when back with my friends and in pubs and things (back when you could smoke in pubs).
March 18, 2018 at 11:58 am #2528
@duncan I’ve been trying to quit for years so I have problems trying to not drink completely. I sometimes go a few days or a week sober and then feel better and then binge drink again.
@doormat That’s a good idea. I haven’t been on holiday for ages. A change of scene would be helpful. The likelihood of me drinking on holiday would be less.
I think I need stronger willpower but I’m also thinking of ways I could quit drinking. I’m even thinking of leaving my debit card with my parents and withdrawing enough money for the week.
March 18, 2018 at 11:59 am #2529
The only way is to not start drinking. It sounds like you have a lot of temptation. But you’re not going to succeed by going to the pub and attempting to moderate. Doesn’t work.
Don’t go to the pub, come out to your drinking mates and tell them that you’re giving it up. If they take the piss f*ck’em. There must be some mates you have who aren’t drinkers – do things with them instead.
STAY OUT OF THE PUB.
March 18, 2018 at 12:01 pm #2530
That’s a good idea. I haven’t been on holiday for ages. A change of scene would be helpful. The likelihood of me drinking on holiday would be less.
@jamesg85 You might start to get a sense of what/who the triggers are perhaps, I have 1 or 2 friends who I have no will power around when it comes to staying out late (though I drink very little), it often seems to turn into me going to bed at 4am. I have a nice enough time, but it’s not so productive, or very healthy if done too often.
March 18, 2018 at 12:03 pm #2531
Have you got some really good, positive things you want to try or do which would take you away from the drink?
I found planning and committing cash to a holiday 8 months in advance, with clear goals for the trip meant I turned up to the gym come rain or shine ready to give my best crack knowing I would inch closer to getting what I wanted. Booze, late nights out, bad diet would make these efforts meaningless so eventually committing to achieving the goal became a positive way to reduce these behaviors without feeling like I had been left with nothing else.
As harsh as it may you need to get some will power! However trying to generate will power for the sake of will power is hollow and unsustainable. Having a clear achievable goal could help you gradually build it up in a positive way.
Everyone’s head works differently, try and get help and try and find something awesome to work towards.
March 18, 2018 at 12:12 pm #2532
In my thirties I took up running to the point where I was doing a half marathon in 1:40. When I was training for a half marathon I would sometimes give up drinking for six months or more.
Just a suggestion
March 18, 2018 at 12:14 pm #2533
As well as the professional help mentioned above, change your social circle. If you like running, join a running club, run and race at weekends. Gain the chemical highs from sport.
From experience of a very outdoorsy relative who also battled your very problem many decades ago, he has what he would openly admit is an addictive personality, there are no half measures, in either sport or drinking(or anything else, now retired with a Thai lassie half his age). The only thing that worked was complete cold Turkey, the idea that he might just go out and enjoy 2 drinks and come home never happened. If he tried that on Friday night, he would surface a 100mile away on Sunday or Monday morning.
Good luck, you’ve a tough road ahead, but even wanting to stop is a great first step.
March 18, 2018 at 12:15 pm #2534
I did it, and I reckon you can do it too. I just stopped, didn’t cut down at all, I just started saying no. Cut loose the people who take you where you don’t want to go and find people who take you somewhere positive. It’s not easy, but it’s definitely worth it. Good luck.
March 18, 2018 at 12:17 pm #2535
As others have said, I don’t think going out drinking but trying to stop earlier sounds likes a runner.
I also don’t think that giving up drinking and just staying at home doing nothing wishing you were out drinking instead would be much of a plan.
I reckon (from a position of almost total ignorance) that you need to replace going out drinking with something better. Something that’s totally enjoyable and fun, that you genuinely want to do, and that’s rewarding so you keep doing it rather than reverting to drinking after a few weeks. I wouldn’t have a clue what that thing is for you, but I’d advise you to think of something that you’d prefer to be doing than getting pissed, and start doing that vigorously instead of getting pissed.
Also, although Jordan Peterson is something of a bete noir of mine, his advice on this sort of stuff is often good if you haven’t already heard it (lots on YouTube). The Future Authoring exercise is a structured way to analyse what could go wrong in your life if you continue with current patterns of behaviour, what you could achieve if you got things under good control, and what practical steps you can take to get there. Sounds like doing that might help you out.
(Don’t be put off by the cheesy look, it was designed for and by Americans. The actual thing isn’t cheesy.)
I think you need to sort this out before you f*ck up properly.
Hope this is helpful advice – it sounds like you’ve acknowledged the problem before you’ve come to any real harm. So capitalise on that success, and get started!
March 18, 2018 at 12:19 pm #2536
My Father died of liver failure having lost his battle with alcoholism, and my brother succeeded in defeating his and now lives entirely alcohol free. I believe I can thereby offer some advice based on real experience. If you think you have a problem you probably do. Avoiding situations where there is alcohol is part strength but also partly the addicts conscious obsession setting itself up to fail. For we in the west cannot hide from alcohol for long, it is ever present and it will draw you in. Forget AA, that is for after Rehab. Rehab will give you the strength to give up drink for good. Engage with Rehab now and you may get over your addiction quickly. Those who tell you otherwise or support you in your quest to ‘minimise’ the damage you do to yourself are just facilitating and may well be complicit in your ugly death. And believe me, there is no uglier and more demeaning way to die.
March 18, 2018 at 12:20 pm #2537
I have been where you are but to a much lesser extent. I quit drinking completely when I was 17 for exactly the reasons you say. When I did I couldn’t control it and had to be the last man standing.
I got through it by talking with my mates, most were supportive. A few were not supportive so they were no longer mates. One key thing I did and again it required support from friends was go out away from our local area. I would drive us to wherever we decided to go, far enough away that getting home without the car would be difficult so I couldn’t drink otherwise we were stuck. We also started doing other things as well as just going to the pub, bowling, cinema, laser tag, ice skating etc.
If your mates are true mates they will support you through this, if they don’t then they are not really mates. It’s a hard thing to do but if your mates are not mates then dump them and find new ones. If you take up a new sport / activity (with the money you will save it will be easy to afford) you will soon grow a new circle of mate’s.
I wish you all the luck in the world with this, it won’t be easy but nothing worthwhile ever is.
March 18, 2018 at 12:22 pm #2538
If you’re not a problem drinker then life with or without alcohol is pretty similar. If you are a problem drinker then life without alcohol is much, much better. It might not feel like it is to you but ask those close to you how you are drunk and how you are sober. There will be no doubt in their minds.
An alcohol habit costs a minimum of 35 quid a week on the cheap stuff. £1820 a year absolute minimum.
That extra cash can really help with the things you might choose to do after you give up. But don’t think of them as replacements. They’re new things. For me it was books, music and ultralight backpacking gear.
March 18, 2018 at 12:25 pm #2539
Brother, I feel your pain and totally understand that One equals 20+. In my ‘struggles’ over the past 30-odd years I realized very early on in the piece that “cutting down” or “moderation” is simply impossible and an unreasonable added pressure. I did counseling coz I was made to by my previous employer when he put me on a months’ [paid] leave to clean up my act and looked into AA but never plucked up the courage to go.
There’s a drug called ****I think****, Naltrexone [Please Do Not Rely on this] that is supposed to decrease the craving but for me was horrific as it Didn’t decrease the craving just made me violently ill after the first sip of beer.
CAMPRAL on the other hand definitely works for me. 4 pills a day and I have Zero desire to drink [and can still meet mates in the pub yet sit on a lemon squash]. I went on it a decade ago and didn’t touch a drop for 54 weeks. Leading up to the last Christmas I went back on them and went 18 days and would’ve kept going were it not for a three week holiday.
I genuinely wish you well, it’s not easy and you’ve garnered a great amount of respect & support from many on here. Whether you go the cold turkey, counseling or medical route I wish you all the Very, Very Best. Come on mate, YOU CAN DO IT!
March 18, 2018 at 12:26 pm #2540
Plenty of advice on this thread about getting help in this respect and the first step to sorting a problem is acknowledging it.
Here is an interesting read for you
From a money perspective, tackling the above should help a great deal.
Good luck with whichever way you choose to deal with it.
PS, keep talking, a problem shared is a problem halved, as the saying goes. 😉
March 18, 2018 at 12:28 pm #2541
hi james, really interesting reading this thread- and well done for asking the hive mind and admitting something isn’t right.
id be interested to hear about how you get on with this struggle, maybe a post on here every little while could help you in the form of both a diary and letting people motivate you to keep going or supporting you when you have a slip.
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