There was never a reunion or reconciliation. There was no duet or PR tour. There was no baby or secret marriage. There was only Chris and his spin machine, and it looks like someone ran out of quarters.

Bernie Madoff is crying, saying he doesn't like being in jail. He wants to be able to go back to his Park Avenue penthouse because that was real punishment. While that's nothing short of outrageous, it turns out his wife has been busy stashing the loot. Should she be allowed to keep it?

Yeah, so he can think he's got a clean conscience when she passes. What kind of dirtbag not only cheats on his terminally ill wife, but waits until the very end to admit that the little baby that looks like him really is his?

I'm sorry. Nobody could be that stupid or insensitive by accident. If you were going to pick a pet to publicize on a reality show, why would you pick one that's in the headlines for a savage attack unless you're looking for a little drama?

You know the one I'm talking about. The one allegedly taken by LAPD of a brutalized Rihanna the night Chris Brown beat her up. The picture that shouldn't have been released because she was a victim of domestic violence. The one TMZ had no problem paying big bucks for.