Big whoop. This week the Barley Churchers announced that their exalted little ruler and his captive wife had made it to their second anniversary. Since when is that a milestone anniversary? What does one buy the couple that lasts two whole years - Oven mitts? A personal shaver?

Actually, to be honest, I'm surprised Katie hasn't wigged out yet. Being around Tommy Boy for longer than six weeks has to be awfully tiring: he only sleeps a few hours a night, he's constantly proposing and demanding new activities and events, and he doesn't let up until he gets his way. Cruisey was Hollywood's highest paid actor for one reason and one reason only, and that was because the studios would pay anything to get him to hush up and go away.

So now Katie's made it a whole two years, although she's starting to look a bit weary around the eyes. If not for Suri she might have shoved him into the oven and ran off into the woods. If Tom would just give her a break for a weekend or two, instead of making her fly home to LA every Friday night, she wouldn't look like death warmed over. I hope she signed a better pre-nup than Nicole did.