I love shoes as much as any other red-blooded woman - the sexier the better. But I've learned over the years that the sexiest shoes ... well, they usually hurt. The latest trends from designers promise only more misery ... multiple circulation-restricting straps, six-inch heels ... what's next?

Well, whatever it is, rest assured that the Olsen twins will most likely be first to wear them. And why not? It's not like they have to walk around all day in them. They only have to walk from the limo to the club and vice versa. Any troll could do that.

But what about us regular women, who have to wedge our poor aching feet into these monstrosities and suffer through blisters, corns and God knows what else for the sake of fashion? Good news. Most regular women can't begin to afford these boots, some of which begin at $3,000. Lucky for us, we can stick to our crocs and our platform wedges with an occasional turn in the hooker boots, just to prove we've still got a pulse. Then we can go home and soak our aching feet.

Given a chance, would you wear something so sinister on your feet? If so, you're braver than me. I'll see you at the podiatrist.