Can you believe this man is only 47? I'd peg him for at least 55, 60 or so. Take a good close look (if you dare) at the indisputable result of overindulgence in the age of excess. I've seen livelier eyes in a hunting lodge. Mounted. Is he still using?

Clean or not, Jean Claude is still a horny Belgian stud muffin, at least in his own eyes. During a recent interview where the interviewer, incidentally, was a good 25 years younger, Jean Claude tried to lay on the charm, telling his captive audience that he wanted to hook up with her at his movie's premiere, where he wanted her to wear a short skirt and high heels. Creepy, right? Indeed. Worse still, Van Damme is a married man, at least legally. At least was at the time of that interview. I hear she's a martial artist as well. He better watch out or she'll beat his ass up. Probably won't be the first time, either. He probably does the same thing to the housekeeper, the laundress, the mail carrier, the school crossing guard ... you get the drift. Someone should put that old dog on a leash it makes a mess somewhere.