It's been remarkably peaceful, other than a few emotional retards and gristly grannies here and there. For gossip lovers hoping for another Macca vs. Mucca brawl, I'm sorry to report that it's all over for the most part.

While their split wasn't a surprise to anyone, the speed of their settlement certainly is. And it would appear that Guy has quietly acquiesced to most of her demands: He's accepting less than tenth of her alleged worth in cash - 10 to 20 million pounds, depending on who's talking - the pub and country house he loves, and he's not contesting her custody. Sources say Guy will even buy an apartment in New York to be closer to his beloved boys.

Why roll over so quickly? Guy allegedly just wants out. He's had enough of being Mrs. Madonna, she of the media circus and purple penetrator. He wants to go back to being a successful director, which he was and is again, now that he's out of her influence. He also wants to get laid, and is eager to take up all the soft and curvy young lasses whose advances he's been rejecting as a loyal husband. I'd gladly be first in line myself; the man is hot.

And Madge? She'll continue on her hyper-fitness, Kabbalah-centric self-absorption campaign, packing herself in creams and plastic to fight off the ravages of age while trying to kid herself that she's still young and hip. I like Madonna's music as much as the next person - I remember Desperately Seeking Susan from high school, and how we all emulated her style and moves. Madonna, you will always be cool, but it's time to act and dress your age, and for God's sake, eat a sandwich some time soon. Your arms are really scary.