It's simple, silly. She's got an excellent bedside manner. She's kind, thoughtful, attentive and sincerely concerned about her lover's welfare. No one else could have pulled Lindsay out of the gutter; her parents had her on the fast track to rehab # 4, camera crews trailing all the way. Now the best her sleazy folks can do is issue statements blessing the union. Like the girls really give a rat's ass what those freaks think or say.

Another reason the Lohan parents might be leaving Lindsay alone? Ali is coming along nicely as the next big thing, with a single on the charts and a starring role in her mother's tackier-than-the-sheets-in-a-cheap-motel reality show. They're priming her to take over where Lindsay self-destructed. From the grimace she usually wears, I'd say she's good for at least a couple more years before Mom decides to ... um, cut her in. Poor kid.