Did you spend it all on Greasy? There were so many pictures of the two of you clowns, overdressed, blinged out and belligerent. Everyone told you he was bad luck. Five years ago you were reportedly worth 70 mil; a couple weeks ago all your credit cards were declined in South Beach. Do you just not pay your bills or is it really all gone? I hope you've got some stashed because no one wants to work with your arrogant ass anymore. I guess it's good-bye for the A-list, and hello to folks like the ones below. Don't worry; you'll fit right in.
That coke whore from the Island is still pAArtyin' hard, making a scene wherever she goes, but times have changed and it's starting to affect her professional life. She was dropped from an upcoming film about the Manson family allegedly because no one wants to work with her. (I guess Jane's been spreading the word about Rules.) What was only a blind whisper last year became front-page news this year and now everyone knows she's a thieving slut with delusions of grandeur.
One party Lindsay will never get into is the Costume Institute Gala, otherwise known as Anna's night, and we all know what Anna thinks of her. Similarly uninvited was one raisin-faced stylist whose mouth wrote a check her ass can't cash. All the biggest and the brightest (and those wishful thinkers willing to pony up about $6,000 per plate) came to fashion's biggest non-event of the year. To see more pictures than you need to, click here.
One such wishful thinker - a D-lister who is not only fading, but she's curdling before our very eyes - sought to extend her time in the spotlight by bringing up those unappealing gloppy custard ass shots taken of her Down Under the week before. She's now claiming the photos were 'shopped; is the same true for all the other pictures of her pale and pasty saddlebags? Hit the treadmill, Mushy. You're only 23. Too stoned out to exercise? Scrape some cash together and get that laser treatment Kim K is doing for her cheese wheels. You're not going to wait until a one-eyed socialite calls you out, are you?
A new, improved and Lufti-free Britney appeared on time in court last week to negotiate expanded visitation with her children. She's been doing pretty well, except for a stroll around the gym in just a towel a couple weeks ago, and a troubling re-appearance this week of the "Boots of Mental Illness" (thanks MSat of Celebitchy for that one!), but she's been staying home lately, if only to get her sexy time call from K-Fed every week.
Little Man Cruise had a rough time this week, struggling to rebuild his movie star image and downplay his religious zeal with a return visit to Oprah that almost had us believing he's almost kinda normal. Almost kinda. Like when he and Katie were photographed at the Costume Institute Gala standing on the stairs, Tom four steps above Katie so he can appear ... kinda almost taller than her. Meanwhile, his beloved church lost its richest member when James Packer of Australia stopped sending blank checks.
In teen tribulation news, Nick Hogan was sentenced to eight months in Pinellas County Jail, along with “five years probation, during which he will serve 500 hours of community service, not be allowed to drink any alcohol and have his driver's license revoked for three years.” His passenger and former best buddy, John, will probably remain in a nursing home the rest of his life. Punk got off light.
Still struggling to keep a low profile this week was Miley Cyrus, who managed to keep herself decently attired but whose misguided Vanity Fair caught the attention of dirtiest, oldest man Hugh Hefner, who invited her to model for Playboy once she reaches the age of consent. We all threw up a little in our mouths over that one.
As hot as these messes are, my friend, at least they're paying their bills, which is more than I can say for you these days. You've got two choices: downsize or get back to work. I wish you luck whatever you decide. Oh, and if you slow down on the smoking you might actually be able to make up your mind before you're living on someone's couch. Like Greasy.
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