Why is it that no one becomes engaged during a lull in their careers these days? Are we supposed to believe that the couple who just announced their engagement just happen to have a new album/TV show/organ donor drive coming out? Maybe their publicist offers them a two-for-one deal.

Ashlee Simpson seems to have sparked (or spiked) a trend: She had a new CD being released; it wasn't getting the greatest reviews and was looking more and more like it was going to flop ... suddenly she's engaged (to a guy who says she's like a really great assistant he can f**k)! Possibly pregnant! Omigosh! It still didn't sell her suck-ass CD, so Papa Joe told her to trot out the old eating disorder story. Guess what? Still ain't selling. Probably because it really sucks.

Another notable engagement of suspicious timing this week was that of Scarlett Johansson and sex-on-a-stick Ryan Reynolds. She's just released a CD that's kind of hovering over the trash compactor; he just looks good. Two weeks ago they were brawling on the street in Boston, but this week she's wearing his ring. Ryan was also engaged to Alanis Morrisette for 30, 40 years so I'm not convinced this will come to fruition. Besides, she looks like trouble. You saw what she did to Justin.

Does anyone in Hollywood marry for love anymore? Perhaps. Are they not above using a sacred vow to get a little free publicity for their upcoming venture? Apparently not. Gee, I remember when getting married meant you'd get a bunch of free stuff to furnish your new home with - toasters, china, a popcorn popper. Ever since Star and Big Gay Al pimped out their wedding it seems the bar has dropped. We can blame them for this mess. Or maybe just Star. You know it was her idea.