I remember you when you were an absolute nobody, a brilliantly funny guy with awesome connections - that whole lawsuit for your original URL really helped put you on the map. Your predilection for "stealing" pictures made you even more notorious. Your shady little hook-up is simply a case of TMI - better left unsaid. You don't want to end up like these yo-yo's.

What is up with Rob Lowe and the company he keeps? There's a lot more going on here than meets the eye, and if it all comes out, I don't think anyone's going to smell like a rose.

Working for the Lowes has to be better than working for the Trump-Rubicando household, who survived the last few weeks' furious quarreling to officially tie the knot at Mar-A-Lago, Ivana's ex-husband's place. No word on why Ivana wanted to make it legal with this, her fourth husband, nor is it known whether a pre-nup was signed. Ivana is never stupid with her money, though.

Another pair who have inexplicably decided to make it legal are Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson, who have a long history of being on the down-low. The way those two party, I hope to God it's not because she's pregnant. The same Papa Joe who once said no daughter of his would wed a boy-kisser now says he's absolutely thrilled to welcome Pete to the family. I give him six months and he'll start looking like Ryan Cabrera. Papa Joe used to be his "manager".

We got word this week that Sean Penn and Robin Wright have decided to stay together and work things out, which probably means Sean found out he would lose his shirt and begged her to take him back.

In publishing news, Nina Garcia got the ax from Elle magazine, rather abruptly and without explanation (at least to the rest of us). It is unknown whether this departure will have an effect on her Project Runway gig.

Across the pond, Pete Doherty got a big surprise when his plethora of court cases was placed before a new magistrate, who decided enough was enough and called him into court to sentence him to a 14-week stretch. This may be a big learning experience for Pete, as none of his friends will come visit, and even Amy Winehouse is mocking him.

Hollywood also lost two of its best TV and movie legends, as we bid a fond farewell to Charlton Heston (Ben Hur, The Ten Commandments, The Planet of the Apes, to name just a few) and Stanley Kamel, who appeared on 90210 and Monk.

Dr. Phil proved that you can take his benefactor and you can take his license to practice psychology but he will always be a big, fat douche. Dr. Phil tried to buy the story of a Florida beatdown of a teenage girl by eight girls who put a video of the beating on YouTube. He had one of his producers fly down there and bail out the ringleader of the vicious assault, to the tune of $30,000. When news broke of his shabby dealings, Dr. Phil tried to blame it all on a "renegade" producer, but we all know better. This is the same asshole that barged in on Britney when she was 5150'd and tried to get her to agree to an appearance on his show before she was lucid.

Katie Couric may be feeling a bit beleaguered this week as well, as more and more rumors swirl of her imminent departure from The CBS Evening News. Katie was great on the Today show, but she's just not network anchor material. Uncle Walter was a hard act to follow. A possible deal could be in the works between CBS and CNN to trade Katie for Anderson Cooper. He'd be a big draw for the news, and she's a perfect successor to Larry King.

Speaking of big draw, perhaps you should be taking smaller hits. You screamed out your little tale to everyone, even took a lie detector test ... and still, no one really cared. Take the hint and go get your hair colored or something.