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Week In Review: Don't Tell My Heart

You know, if you're not careful you'll all become just another casualty of the business. And what made you think it would be any different? Like any other stage parent, you had your day in the sun, and you never got quite enough of it. Now you're living through your child, and that child has shown more potential than even you thought; she's right on the edge of being all that you never quite were. It's not all she's on the edge of, though; do you realize how quickly this could all be gone?

Maybe it's who she's working for; all that force-fed wholesomeness seems to backfire every time. Are you really watching her? I mean, really? All those pictures ... she's chomping at the bit, and you've got no control. Hell, you're an employee these days, aren't you? If you've got any doubts of what's coming your way, check out this week's shining stars. You'll be on the next plane back home.

Someone destined to walk in the same shoes celebrated her second birthday this week; her daddy splashed out over $100,000 to fete his little princess (read: distract the media from his marital woes) but Mom still let us know how she feels.

Gwyneth Paltrow made the rounds to promote Iron Man this week in a micro-mini dress and six-inch stilettos. Paging Chris Martin: Your party is leaving without you. Do Apple and Moses know something we don't know?

It was a great week for blind items, with some of the juiciest tidbits we've seen in quite a while. Who is the philanderer who surprisingly loves the booger sugar? And who's the actress from a canceled show who did her weight in blow at a beachy photo shoot? I just love these things.

And then you've got those twits and twerps from The Hills, who somehow scored an invite to the Correspondent's Dinner at the White House this week. If that wasn't shocking enough, we heard that Heidi wouldn't be going because they wouldn't comp Spencer's expenses. Luckily for her, Forbes agreed to pick up his tab, and they who have no shame walked the red carpet with the other pseudo-celebrities.

In inexplicably crazy news, Peter Falk was seen wandering the streets of LA screaming about the sky falling or something like that. Weirder still, no one cared, and no one came forth to say whether Ashton Kushner had anything to do with it.

In the "Gee, what took you so long?" department, Star Jones finally filed for divorce from Big Gay Al after 3 1/2 years of pretending not to mind going Dutch all the time. The New York Daily News says Al has been living alone in Miami for about a year now, living la vida loca and teaching at a local university. Finally he is free! To the bath house!

Soon to follow in Al and Star's shoes are Amy Winehouse and her Blake Incarcerated. The tabs say Amy's binge this week was precipitated by her visit to Blake to confess she's filing for divorce and that there's someone else. Sources say he cried and carried on while she was there, but has already got a little blond named Sophie making his court appearances - on time, to boot. Amy may have started out celebrating her divorce, but she ended up in a couple of ugly brawls that got her a free overnight stay in the chokie, as the Brits say. They let her off with a warning, but she's in rough shape and getting worse by the second.

Also being fitted for convict stripes is Wesley Snipes, who was sentenced to three years in jail this week for willfully evading his taxes. See what happens when you think you're above the law? You either end up behind bars or like one Robert Blake, who may have gotten away with the murder of his Bonnie babymama, but is hounded by a large civil judgment. Some say he caught a break this week when the judgment was sliced from $30 mil to $15, but he doesn't even have $30 bucks, so it makes little or no difference.

Do you understand now? All of these people were once like you, thinking they were golden, untouchable. It doesn't take much to take it all away, but it's almost impossible to get back once it's gone. Do yourself a favor. Go spend some quality time with that kid, before you end up like that other country family that's such a mess these days.













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