Those Scientologists sure are clever. Mindful of the fact that publicly acknowledging membership is career suicide, they've devised a clever new way to continue hitting celebrities up for monstrous sums while keeping them off the roster: They're calling them donors.

This new method keeps mounds of money pouring into the church while enabling its players to maneuver behind the scenes. It was reported a couple of months ago that the church is focusing their recruiting on the A-List: If they can't announce that someone has joined the church for fear of bad publicity, they can still take their money and use their connections.

Recently it was thought that the church's # 1 target was Will Smith, but I read several reports today that Will has been "quietly" donating money to Scientology for years. That means it's too late for him. I wonder if Jada knows, or if she's going to become a robot like Katie. But it doesn't stop there. Today, Kirstie Alley announced that she had "signed a pact" (those are bone-chilling words) with Oprah's Harpo Productions to develop some kind of show. Oprah and Kirstie are no strangers; Kirstie's been on Oprah's show a number of times, most memorably when she wore a bikini to show off her weight loss (and hid her giant ass behind a big red sarong). Will Kirstie be the next celebrity to host a short-lived talk show? Maybe she and Oprah can have a Biggest Loser special on Oprah's new cable channel. It's interesting to note that no further information was released. It all sounds like a big PR move on Scientology's part. They know that Oprah has followers that will embrace anything she endorses, and they're hoping some of that blind trust will rub off on them.

Seeing this deal go through makes one realize just how insidious this organization is. It also makes you wonder who's next. And for all you little folk out there who think you could use a little of that down home couch-jumpin' religion, don't bother. This church only accepts six-figure donations ... and that's just to walk through the door. But don't worry. The Scientologists are happy to relieve all those cash-sodden believers out there of the burden they bear.