When asked about Fabio the actor responds, "Yeah, that's probably true. He's a big guy. There is a moment when you are actually in the argument and you're thinking, 'If I do get beaten down by Fabio, that will be far worse than the pain. I wouldn't shake that."
• When Esquire points a Web site that calls Clooney "gay, gay, gay," the good-natured actor quips, "No, I'm gay, gay. The third gay – that was pushing it."
Two girls One Cup
Clooney’s been pretty comfortable with all this so far. He’s not easily thrown by his own fame or by the brutal assessments of the fame obsessed. But what about the larger dangers of the Web? I realize that I’ve spent a couple of hours showing Clooney sites about the Clooney, but I haven’t asked him, Does he ever go on the Internet?
“I go on YouTube when somebody says to look something up,” he answers. “There was one a few years ago that killed me. Look up ‘monkey smells butt.’”
I type it in. Up pops a video of a chimp sticking his finger up his butt, smelling it, then promptly passing out.
Clooney roars with laughter. “He just smells it and goes wooo-ah and flops off to the side. That always kills me.”
At this point, I make a segue that seemed relevant at the time, but in retrospect was probably a very bad idea. “You know,” I tell him, “I asked the guy who does the Esquire Web site what I should show George Clooney, and he said ‘Show him 2 Girls 1 Cup.’”
“It’s the most disturbing video in the history of videos.”
“Show it to me.”
“Really? I don’t know.”
“I can take it,” Clooney says. “I’m a grown-up. We’re all grown-ups.”
“It’s scarring. It’ll scar you forever.”
“Is it long?” he asks.
“No,” I tell him, “but it’s so disturbing. I saw it once and can never get it out of my mind. I can’t watch it again.”
“I want to see it.”
Well, he asked. After a bit of searching, I find the link. I click it.
After several seconds: “It’s not so bad,” he says.
Three seconds later: “Oh.”
Another two seconds: “Oh, my GOD! Oh, my God!! Oh, my God!”
Clooney puts his hand over his mouth like he’s going to throw up. He bolts from his chair and walks out of the room.