With a father like Joe Simpson, Ashlee and Jessica may never be safe. He'll blow up their careers, their love lives, and of course, their bank accounts. But they were raised to respect their elders, and will "Yes, Daddy," themselves into obscurity. Or enforced celibacy.

I think Ashlee could do better, but she seems to be awfully stuck on Pete. She chased him around for months before he'd even admit she was more than just another groupie. Jessica is a bit more difficult. She's gotten so used to being the punchline of the joke she's forgotten how good things used to be for her. She's never been the same since leaving Nick, a move she's probably still kicking herself for.