Um, her face looks good. Nice and smooth and shiny. Let me guess: botanical extracts or sheep placenta, but no surgery, right? Right. She got a butchy new haircut - it actually looks not-so-bad - but things just kinda go willy-nilly from there.

The black leather riding jacket is fine, too. I still have mine, and will throw it on from time to time. No, the offending garment is those hideous, shiny, fire engine-red pleather pants so tight you can read her pipes. That looks downright uncomfortable, not to mention a bit racy for a happily married thoroughly grown woman.

Hopefully Melanie will relegate those dreadful pants to the very back of her closet again. I'm sure they looked great on her twenty years ago, and she should be proud she can still squeeze into them but know better than to wear them.