In the good corner this week we have the lovely Charlize Theron, who almost always looks absolutely drop-dead gorgeous on the red carpet. She even looked good smoking the apple bong. But her sense of style is always classic, dramatic without being tacky. Notice all her bits are put away. As it should be.

In the corner for brimstone, hellfire and eternal fashion damnation is our favorite dyke-in-denial, Pink. At first I thought it was Rumer Willis with that beret and the big, strong, manly chest sticking out. You can almost see her swagger up to the urinal to breathe the lizard.

A stylist could help Pink pick out more flattering dresses for those occasions a frock can't be avoided. Truly exceptional stylists can almost magically transform even the most unladylike bodies. Look what they've done with Hilary Swank and Sarah Jessica Parker. They'd also look equally at home pulling a carriage around Central Park, but that's neither here nor there.