Halloween notwithstanding, the celebretards were in rare form this week. There was so much crazazy going around even the civilians and innocent bystanders were sucked into the melee. Luckily the Bosh remained aloof and has some highlights to shake you up and challenge your grip on sobriety. Read on ...

x17 Online was on the scene for the sentencing of Lane Garrison for his DUI, in which a teenager was killed. Maybe he's learned from this tragedy and will never drink again. Maybe he'll be a full-blown junkie by the time he gets out. He's got 40 months to decide which path he wants to take.

From that literary pillar of truth that is Life & Style came the heartwarming news that Owen Wilson has overcome his darkest hour by seeking refuge in the bountiful bosom of Jessica Simpson. Next week they'll have pics of Owen peeing with the door open. Because he does.

In the interest of promoting literacy PrettyBoring brought you the letter of the day, S. Special guests Lauren and Paris demonstrated words that start with S: sailors, sluts, seamen, swallow ... can you use all of these words in a sentence? I just know you can.

Dog the Bounty Hunter saw his career go up in flames after his son recorded him in a racist tirade then sold it to the National Enquirer for $15,000. A&E pulled the plug on his show, and now it's back to the doublewide for the whole clan. I guess Joe Francis is on his own again.

Bosh Classifieds: Wanted: Live-in nanny for supermodel Kate Moss. Must like 100+-hour work week, mandatory spur-of-the-moment travel, and sleeping on a different person's couch each week. Good help is so hard to find.

Sadly, Hayden's supreme sacrifice - one barely-legal bikini-clad breast - was not enough to prevent the slaughter of 40 dolphins. Meanwhile, back in the States, crafty old Britney puts her breasts to use in an entirely different way.

Daniel Craig has signed on to do four more Bond films. He's a tasty morsel, but can't hold a handle to Connery in his prime.

Perez Hilton triumphed over the angriest little lesbian in Hollywood (that would be Samantha Ronsen) when the judge agreed with Perezzle that he was exercising his right to free speech when he said she planted the coke in Lindsay's car and set up photo ops to cash in on her addiction. She gets to pay his legal fees, too.

Are you getting the picture? I know what you're up to; you can't fool me. Besides, compared to these jokers you're a cupcake. Go hit the showers - I'll toss you the toaster when you've got soap in your eyes. Two can play this game.