I think I'm beginning to see a trend here. As an unknown, Kate hooked up with and eventually married Chris Robinson, anorexic-looking lead singer of the Black Crowes, who were then a hit band. Kate's star kept rising, while Chris and his brother fought too much to make music together anymore. Chris decided it was easier just to stay home and stay stoned, and that's where he's been ever since.

Fast forward a few years, and now Kate's the big star and bacon-home-bringer, and maybe she's a little bored with her hippy husband. She falls for her co-star, Owen Wilson, and leaves Chris to be with him, although she takes pains to be discreet about it. The two make a cute couple, but things don't work out, for reasons that are now clear. Kate bails again, and lands in the noodle aisle with Dax Shepard, where she wastes no time trying to suck his face off.

And now ... she's with Ron Burkle. Yes, that Ron Burkle, the supermarket mogul, the one allegedly involved in a pay-for-play scandal with the New York Post, among other equally tawdry scandals. A cloud of controversy follows Burkle wherever he goes, even though he likes to pal around with the likes of Bill Clinton. He's middle-aged, pudgy, and about as sexy as double coupons, but has a wicked reputation for chasing tail. He's spewed his burkle in clubs across the country, earning him titles like "greasy grocer" and "evil rich guy".