While nobody's talking just yet, there are troubling signs. Fishsticks and Tartarface haven't been photographed together in a couple of years, and both parties bristle when asked about the other. It could just be their notorious penchant for privacy. They even gave their children stupid names, hoping to scare off any media interest. When that failed, they set out to make themselves as physically repulsive as possible. Oh, sweet Jesus, where will it end?

Chris Martin has continued to live a near-reclusive existence, but lately Gwynnie has been stepping out occasionally, dolled up in mini-babydolls and sleek tights, her pretty pony mane flowing long and free. Symbolic gesture, maybe? Only time will tell. In the meantime, Apple and Moses content themselves with torturing the hired help. Mummy has a volume discount with the nanny agency and money to burn, so they're not losing any sleep over it.