Melissa started her day of job hunting by swearing on a stack of WWD's that she would suffer no casting couch to land her next gig. As Melissa trudged from audition to audition, the air was split with the screams of couches launching themselves out the windows of penthouse apartments rather than being smeared with spray tan or ripped with those giant veneers.

At the end of the day there was only one job offer: Hostess at the Golden Phoenix All-U-Can-Eat Sushi Palace. Melissa cried on her first day, afraid that the paps would find her and expose her dirty little secret. She needn't have worried; with all the cosmetic surgery she's had, even her own children have trouble recognizing her.

She's doing well, though; the managers say she's learned how to walk people to their tables without scaring them. She just needs to stop smuggling shrimp out to her mother before she gets fired. The boss says if she's that hungry they've got room for a dishwasher.