Say hello to Shauna Sand, poster child for washed-up middle-aged Playboy retirees. Expect to see her in work of the straight-to-video variety. I was going to say, gee, she must be cold, but she's obviously had too much work to feel it. The saddest part? Even dressed like that she went home alone. Brace yourself, and follow the jump to see.

Shauna was once married to Lorenzo Lamas. Back then she was actually quite pretty. Then she went through a nasty divorce. She also did a lot of work with Playboy, both in print and on video. And while it's hard to believe she's only 36, she's past her bunny prime and is seeking more mainstream work. It's been a long uphill battle for her, because she can't move her face enough to act.

So now she's bored, lonely and in need of income. Earning money with your clothes on is much harder than with them off. Maybe she's worried that people won't remember who she is, not realizing that most people have never heard of her. She probably spent hours poring over countless tabloids (that's assuming she can read - I don't think this is a Rhodes scholar here), and then it hit her: get as naked as you can, and go to a place where the paps are. That's what she did, and the result is mind-boggling. How does one even think up a ... a ... ho-sleeve like this? It just screams desperate loser.

Equally scary is the woman seen over Shauna's right shoulder. That's what Pamela Anderson would look like without the plumped limps and supersize funbags. I wonder if either of these women realize how miserable they look.