It cleans dishes, it softens skin ... it's as pure as the driven snow. The same cannot be said of the topics we touched upon this week, but that's okay - nothing a little soap and water can't cure.

We started our week getting off on Sir Paul McCartney cruising for tail in the Hamptons. It's nice to see he can still get it up after Heather Mills.

We got to choose between a wood nymph with serious apathy issues and a horny matron looking for a younger model with sports suspension and surround sound.

We realized that all fat guys look alike in jumpsuits, and that that's not necessarily a good thing.

We shook our heads in dismay as Mischa's right nipple busted out of its filmy constraints ... yet again. Somehow we doubt Save the Children will invite her back any time soon.

We got to count every single one of Jenna's bones. Tito's going to hang her out on the front porch tonight for wind chimes.

And Natasha Lyonne showed us her secret for achieving maximum sunburn by the acre instead of by the yard.

That's a wrap ... remember to look both ways before crossing and neuter your pets and unwanted houseguests. They'll thank you in the end.