At first I thought it was a Photoshop special. When Kim Kardashian first began her media whoring career as Paris Hilton's occasional sidekick, she kept that thing away from the cameras.

Wise move, that. Paris is queen of the nip slip, but would never stand in the shadow of that immense ass.

Then came her infamous (and from what I've heard, terribly boring) sex tape, and even Paris wouldn't return her calls. Facing a bleak future out of the spotlight, Kim broke out her heavy artillery. She packed on a few pounds and went to the gym for some heavy squats. She got rid of the haute couture of a socialite and bought a whole new wardrobe. Her requirements? Cheap, tight and tacky. And now her big ass is all over the place.

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Kim, if your father was alive to see this I'm sure he'd threaten to cut off your allowance until you put that thing away. Oh, how the ladies who lunch must snicker as you sashay past them, junk in the trunk sloshing all the way. The little children think there's an eclipse and you're really freaking the anos out. Try a little cardio ... and some dignity.