First you call up the tabloid that exposed you and your former love as coke-sniffing degenerates. You let them put you on hold while they conference in half the office building, then offer to spill the beans/pour your heart out about losing your soulmate ... for a price of course.

What's that? She still won't take your call? Not to worry. There's more fish in the sea, right, especially for such an eligible bachelor as yourself. She's not the only drug-addled anorexic in London. Besides, that old rag wasn't so much fun anymore, now that she doesn't party anymore.

Meet the new Babyshambles mascot, Irina Lazareanu, who might not be so new after all. Pete is said to have a history with this scrawny waif, both before his mad romance with Kate, and perhaps during, as Irina is said to be the pretty little brunette he was unfaithful with that last time. If that wasn't bad enough, consider that Irina got her first big break modeling Kate's TopShop line.

At a recent concert, their set was delayed four hours while Pete and Irina allegedly did drugs and had sex in a portaloo. Later that night, Pete and two friends were pulled over driving through London, and of course they had drugs with them, so of course Pete was arrested ... again. Has he broken the world record yet?