Dear Paris,
You are hereby notified that your membership in the Bad Boy Bad Girl club has been revoked. You slipped over the edge into stupid and are no longer good at being bad, so we want you out and will not refund your dues. And by “dues� I mean the dues you paid by doing a sex video, starring in “The Simple Life,� getting drunk in public, converting others to the club [Brittney and Lindsay, which, by the way, will also be receiving this notice], showing the world — via the paparazzi — your coochi, and all around acting without remorse or apology … all wonderful things.
However, real Bad Girls don’t drink and drive, real bad girls don’t get caught, real bad girls don’t go to jail [that’s only cool if you’re a guy], and real bad girls don’t call Sarah Silverman a bitch. Moreover, we all know the rich don’t do jail time, and if they do, they do it with class [see Martha Stewart for details]. Therefore, you’re out.
Fortunately for the other members of the club, you can’t buy your way back in. Feel free to re-apply, but for now you are on permanent suspension.
Sincerely,
Steve Santagati
President
P.S. Notifying you via TMZ is considered official.
