While this obviously gives Hilton a massive advantage over those who have never heard any music and thus believe it to be a variety of cheese, there remains the nagging suspicion that this might not represent sufficient qualification for a career as a singer, in much the same way as knowing what a child is does not fully equip you for a career as a consultant paediatrician.

Nevertheless, you have to admire her pluck. Putting your name to a ghostwritten book, appearing on reality TV shows and launching your own perfume collectively represent the sine qua non of 21st-century celebrity: they all do it. But for some reason, a public only too willing to watch celebrities on TV, read their books and douse themselves in their branded scents balks when asked to listen to them sing. Jordan couldn't win A Song for Europe. The minute Kelly Osbourne starts singing, audiences rise as one in order to throw things at her.