You'll never see Madge's toilet seat on eBay

Imagine for a moment you’re Madonna. Would you want to seat your magnificently sculpted bum on anything but the most pristine toilet seat? I mean, you wouldn’t want your arse where Mariah Carey’s was only days earlier. I’m not Madonna and I wouldn’t want to go near that thing. That’s why I’m not particularly fazed by the New York Daily News report that Miss Madge has instructed each of the venues on her Confessions tour to supply her with a fresh toilet seat.

According to the newspaper’s source, “[The toilet seat] must be wrapped in plastic so her people can open it, and then she demands it be disposed of immediately after she leaves the venue so no one can sell it on eBay." Good thinking. Madonna is so thorough. No wonder she’s the Queen of Pop.

Her rep didn’t even bother denying the item. She merely quipped, "I don't know if anyone helps her wipe, but there are probably people who would volunteer." Oh if only Madonna would offer her bottom up for wiping on eBay. I think she would make a new record in bids.