In his new single, “SexyBack,� (the video for which premieres today on MTV) Justin Timberlake brazenly declares, “I’m bringing sexy back.� First of all, as Lindsay Lohan has proven in her recent British GQ photoshoot, sexy never went anywhere. And secondly, if it had, I don’t think Justin’s the one who’d be able to bring it back.

Sure, Justin’s a nice piece of ass, but he’s shown over the last few years that he has no idea what sexy is. He took part in one of the least sexy displays of sexuality over the last few years when he ripped Janet Jackson’s top off during the 2004 Superbowl half-time special and created Nipplegate. And he’s dating Cameron Diaz. While Cameron cleans up real nice when it comes time to walk down a red carpet or do a magazine photo spread, the rest of the time she just looks like one of the guys. Not sexy.

If Justin is really going to bring sexy back, I think he should take over as his ex-girlfriend, Britney Spears’s new image consultant. Once she pops out her next baby, Justin should get Britney back to her circa-2001 look. There was nothing sexier than Britney half-naked holding a snake. If Justin could manage that, then he just might be able to do anything.