Jessica Simpson

A piece came across the transom from Star with the title “Will Jessica Ever Get Back Together With Nick?�? The question is impossible to answer for this reason; we know everything material about these two. Which dress she wore to which club, which hotel he was in when a little blabbermouth floozy tried to seduce him.

But we don’t have a clue about their inner lives, and particularly not that part of their inner lives that involves how they feel about each other. There is no end to “sources�? reporting that Jessica feels this and Nick feels that. But when a remark is attributed to “a source,�? the discerning reader will replace “a source�? with “a gossip.�?

Is it possible that the whole Nick and Jessica affair was a commercial hoax? Did Peter walk across the water towards Jesus? Stay tuned; we’re itchin’ to gossip some more about sexy hunk o’ man Nick and the ever glamorous Jess.