In response to her recent claims that there is no such thing as a bi-sexual person, bi-sexual advocacy groups have declared that there is no such thing as Dr. Ruth. An anonymous member of a bi advocacy group says: "Either you're a human being, or you're a risible munchkin with a voice so nasal it sounds like you're performing fellatio and cunnilingus at the same time; there is no in-between."

The contretemps between bi-sexual groups and the superstar sexologist began when in her syndicated column Dr. Ruth made answer to a male writer. He was in a relationship with a female, but wanted a little penile hanky-panky on the side. The munchkin, er, we mean Dr. Ruth told him: "Everyone is either straight or gay. Some people go through an in-between stage where they are perhaps not sure, but eventually they fall into one category or the other, so that there really is no such thing as being bisexual."

The Bosh found that Dr. Ruth was not available for comment, adding to the possibility that she does not exist. One helpful Bosh reader pointed out: "If Dr. Ruth doesn't exist, why is the skin of her neck sagging?" Wagging tongues say that Dr. Ruth could definitively demonstrate her existence by posing nude for the cover of Vanity Fair. (By Scott Rose)