Oxford University will finally gain some prestige this fall as Madonna enrolls online to study for a Bachelor of Arts in Literature. Wow. What a talent. We knew she could write, what with that "Sex" book and all, but she can read, too? Awesome.

Don't you hate when you get caught bragging? Even though I really did catch that really big fish that one time, I'm sure we've all been there. Well, now WCBS/Ch. 2 news anchor Ernie Anastos can join us.

Brigitte Nielsen, who among her ex husbands includes Sylvester Stallone, and who with drag diva Rupaul sang the mega dance hit "You're No Lady," has, according to Cindy Adams in today's New York Post, given a TV soundman something to write home about. It seems that while filming a new Jackie Collins mini-series on Hollywood shennanigans, Brigitte, finding that her lapel-mike wire had to be hidden, and wearing a white mesh shirt with nothing underneath, brazenly took the soundman's hand and put it up her blouse, wiggling excessively as the wire was put in its place. Feigning a slip of her arm, she put her hand at the exact location of his physical manhood,which is to say, his penis. Then she requested of him that he "whip it out." If you can imagine, he did not. Highly sexed myself, I know exactly how Brigitte felt at that moment, and if more celebrities are this honest about their animal desires, then before long we should be seeing an orgy at a prominent Oscars after party, and we might expect for Rob Lowe to film it. As a teacher would say, class is out. (By SCOTT ROSE)

Laetitia Casta, who Rolling Stone magazine once named the sexiest woman on the planet, appears in the September 29th issue of Paris Match carrying two full garbage bags, which, to the extent that they do anything for the shoulderless Valentino evening gown she's wearing, do even less for her Dior ring. La Casta, who at one point was attached to serial-celebrity-dater Stephane Sednaoui (ex to Bjork and Kylie Minogue) is reportedly happy with her new beau Stefano Accorsi, an Italian actor. I myself have been known to carry trash to the chute dressed in a fine Canali suit accessorized by Salvatore Ferragamo shoes, yet I'm hoping this anti-glam shot with Laetitia and her refuse is not the start of a trend. By Scott Rose

Yahoo News reported yesterday that, upon it's entry into port in Atlantic Canada, a U.S cruise ship was stunned to find a whale (yes, a WHALE) impaled on it's bow. Ooops.